A friend of mine recently told me that one of my midwives had told her "yeah, we did Christie a favor". I've spent a few days chewing on that, and of course, need to talk to the midwife before drawing any conclusions. Did she mean by agreeing to take me on as a client, by agreeing to proceed with a homebirth when he remained breech, or by not transferring due to the longer than anticipated labor. No matter her reply, I know that the word "favor" doesn't sit well with me at all.
I think what bothers me the most, is how indicative this is of the notion that women are not in the driver's seat for their births. It's ironic really, because I've often defended the thought that women can allow themselves to trust their care providers if they so desire. That doing so can be freeing. I think the concern for others is that in trusting a care provider, one can relinquish responsibility for the choices made. For me, trusting them was a recognition that I didn't have to know everything, and that there were some things of which I just needed to let go.
But I maintain that women are not done favors. No one cares about the well-being of their child more than a mother. Women, given the necessary information, are going to make the best decisions they can for the well-being of their family. These decisions are far from easy and very personal.
I get that midwives, and yes, even obstetricians often face dilemmas of which we are not even aware. But I continue to submit that if women are truly seen as partners in their care, many of the "what ifs" that providers fear, need not be feared. In the meantime, I'll keep chewing.
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