Doing favors

A friend of mine recently told me that one of my midwives had told her "yeah, we did Christie a favor". I've spent a few days chewing on that, and of course, need to talk to the midwife before drawing any conclusions. Did she mean by agreeing to take me on as a client, by agreeing to proceed with a homebirth when he remained breech, or by not transferring due to the longer than anticipated labor. No matter her reply, I know that the word "favor" doesn't sit well with me at all.

I think what bothers me the most, is how indicative this is of the notion that women are not in the driver's seat for their births. It's ironic really, because I've often defended the thought that women can allow themselves to trust their care providers if they so desire. That doing so can be freeing. I think the concern for others is that in trusting a care provider, one can relinquish responsibility for the choices made. For me, trusting them was a recognition that I didn't have to know everything, and that there were some things of which I just needed to let go.

But I maintain that women are not done favors. No one cares about the well-being of their child more than a mother. Women, given the necessary information, are going to make the best decisions they can for the well-being of their family. These decisions are far from easy and very personal.

I get that midwives, and yes, even obstetricians often face dilemmas of which we are not even aware. But I continue to submit that if women are truly seen as partners in their care, many of the "what ifs" that providers fear, need not be feared. In the meantime, I'll keep chewing.

Being proud of being radical

Before anyone gets too worried, I'm not so delusional as to think that my birthing my breech baby at home is on the same scale as Barack Obama getting elected as President of the United States ;-).

But as I have heard person after person talk about how "historic" his election is, in addition to the incredible excitement I feel at the anticipation of his leadership, I felt uncomfortable with the focus on his race.

And that's where I see the parallel. Yes, technically speaking, it is most definitely noteworthy that he is to be our first black President. But what bothers me is that it is only because of our history, that it is noteworthy. It is nothing to be proud of that African Americans have not been given the same respect as European Americans; that our history is littered with shameful reminders of how we as Americans have mistreated our fellow human beings.

I remember how person after person told me how "brave" I was to give birth to my son at home. I was always uncomfortable with this adjective being assigned to my decision, my journey. For yes, there was courage involved; there always is when one surrenders to a process ultimately outside one's control. But underneath the word "brave", I couldn't help but wonder if they really meant was "reckless". And that I dismiss. For no one cared more about the well-being of my child than I, and no one examined the risks of the birth options available to me more than I.

Yet women are being persecuted for their choices around birth. And even the folks at Birth Trauma Association and Birth Trauma Canada think that women should be given the right to choose a non-medically indicated c/s due to previous birth trauma.

Talk about off the tracks. Let's not address ways to avoid birth trauma in the first place, or to help a woman overcome the effects of birth trauma before subsequent births; no, instead, let's "offer" her major abdominal surgery, which, in addition to the medical risks, involves an increased risk of trauma and depression regardless of it being a "choice".

And women have been harassed, threatened and even faced with separation from their babies simply for denying what they felt to be unnecessary treatment, often cesarean surgery. Look, what I'm going to say may seem offensive, but I promise that is not the intent; women who make informed choices about their births are not radicals, they are mothers. Until we start respecting a woman's autonomy in birthing decisions, women and families will continue to be harmed.

President-elect Obama's inaugaration theme is "A New Birth of Freedom". While women have many freedoms in our country, let's empower more and more of them to begin exercising their autonomy in birth choices.